Long Distance

They are more alike than different....but where they are different, boy doesn't it show. Worlds apart, yet conjoined, is love enough?? Can they bear the jet lag while traveling to see the others point of view...or will the tire, expire, divide, and stay to themselves because long distance love tends to cause miscommunications when their tongues become 1 with their new culture, they will hold superficial conversations just for the sake of speaking, carefully checking the depths their tongues before a single word is utterd, JUST to avoid drowning...love can be a difficult task to feat, when ur loving long distance, but in the same room.

Her Beautiful Poem.

Dear Paula Jean.....
I wish you were here.
This may not be poetically beautiful
laced with metaphors and similes...
my not rhyme,
probably wont even have a rhythm.

But it has You,
your name alone, sets the tone...
making this one of the most beautiful poems I've ever written-

scratch that, one of the most beautiful poems ever written PERIOD.

The simple fact that it is your yellow skin, your perfect smile..your little gangsta gold tooth shining thru...

your curly black hair, your little brown moles, your breast, your thighs, the little twinkle in your eyes.....

running through my mind at the time that I type, that is what makes this poem so beautiful.

I can not hug you when I want, so I stare at your picture and let my soul melt into that far away place feeling just a tad bit connected to you.

Since the moment you left I us I began talking to God becuase I know you are right by His side, watching me, weighing in on how he answers my prayers, guiding me, I hear your whispers, I see your light, you are not here in flesh, but 5 years later I still feel every bit of you, as if you've never left...

I think about you, I wonder what color your wings are...
are they made of silk, pure white, to compliment your pure soul..or are they laced with love and embedded in gold?

Your halo...with the thought of it, I can see your big smile....never ending, and so I can not cry, well I do, because I miss you and my wishes are still to hug you to kiss you to just feel you...physically take a hold of me and just one more time let me look you in the eye...let me cry while you comfort me...let me say a proper goodbye....

Let me confess how deep my love lies...let me apologies, for the sneaky things and the lies, for the silent thoughts, when you didn't give me my way...let me love you perfectly...because that is what you deserve.

Let me rub your feet,
massage your back,
don't get up, let me get that.

You say you need what?
for you, I'll do,
what you mean to me...
I FEEL that you had no clue,

but I know you do, its me who didnt
You never know what you have until its gone, and i hate that it took you leaving me alone for me to understand what love is....

Love is not what you think...but what you know,
and thanks to you Paula Jean, I know a lot.
and I want to know, forever.

I want to write forever, because I feel like stopping would be saying goodbye all over again, because I feel you here, I feel you NOW...and Im holding on as long as I possibly can.

This poem may not rhyme
or have a steady rhythm,
some may read become bored and put it down before the ending
but for that I dont care.
This is my time with you,
a grand daughter with her grandmother
and that is the beauty of this poem.
THAT IS THE BEAUTY OF THIS POEM....
it's beauty lies in the life and death of you, Paula Jean,
and our love for you.

R.I.L. Paula Jean and Freddie Lee Williams

Just Like You

YES

I stand in five inch stillettos
with equally long lashes.

Hair extensions flow down my back
like the lovely river of the nile,
riding the curvature of my back
like a soft tidal wave.

Lips lined in crimson red,
making the brightest roses a bit envious.

Teeth whitened,
playing hide and seek,
peeping,
between the crimson red

a smile more alluring than that of the Mona Lisa.

My jeans embrace my butt and thighs
as if to say "I'll love you forever".

All eyes are affixed
as I stand behind the podeum.

Standing there....
thoughts racing like horses
my teeth clenched,
words caged...
sentenced "LIFE"

As I stand
they only see,
veiwing me as some modelesque display

and I stand
looking back at them,
judging me
as I stand physically superfical
and them with their afros and earth tones.

They cant fathom the electric complexity that transmits through my brain or
the hidden beauty I in "simple" things,
they couldn't dream of my magic ways with words and I delicately paint the most vivid pictures with them like how:

The sun rays caress her skin
and melt within
like home-made butter
her lover,
he stares,
none other can compare,
the love that they share like
a kindergarten boy with his cars,
or a little girl with her colors, saying
you be red and I'll be blue,
together we will make purple:-)

They can see that,
they couldn't hear that,
all they see is:

My relaxed hair,
evey strand perfectly placed,
the colors stratigically applied to my face...

YES
I'm relaxed,
I'm made up,
I am confident,
Like you.
I am beautiful,
just as I am....

"Just as I am"
I say taking my hands to showcase myself, my body, my jeans, my perm, my reds, blues, pinks and purples...I am colorful.....

Nevertheless I am....

A poet.....

just like YOU!!!!

"clickity clack clickity clack" sings my stillettos as I leave the stage...
minds affixed on the words, I just left in their ears.

"Momma's Baby"

She has spoke to her,

every since the plus sign was shown.

A joy she could have been,

had she ever been known.



"Mommy you can do this,

just don't send me away"

but mommy couldn't see beyond the storm,

so mommy refused to let her stay.



At 10 weeks, baby cried

"Mommy run out of this place!!!

Death cannot be reversed,

do you really not ever want to see my face???"



Mommy tuned out her pleas,

mommy refused to pray,

mommy knew what she doing was wrong,

still mommy chose to stay.



Dr. calls her back.

Baby screamed "MOMMY NOOOO!"

Mommy touched her stomach,

yet mommy continued to go.



In the seat, mommy sat.

All the while baby pleaded.

Mommy's mind consumed, but

to run, mommy knows, she needed.



Anesthesia injected.

Still baby's cries were neglected.



Mommy's body drugged,

but mommy's mind still aware

Mommy's brain said "RUN"

but mommy's body just laid there.



Finally mommy cries,

not from the pain,

but from the lies.

From the thought of those eyes,

that mommy would never see.



That hand,

that mommy would never hold,

Mommy's heart so warm,

but the world is so cold.



so mommy did

what mommy said that she would never do.



Mommy screams, mommy shouts....

the nurse says "You'll scare the others."

Mommy's guilty screams to them...

"DON'T DO THIS, PLEASE RUN OUT!"



The noise stops, but begins again.

Doc says there is a bit that still in....

a little of that joy still left within.....



Mommy prays that it will stay,

but quickly, the Dr sucks it away....



and mommy is left with nothing,

but regrets and pain.



Her womb, now a tomb.



She touches her belly, &

though there is nothing different....

The touch just doesnt feel the same.



The deed is done...

and on goes the years,

every once and a while

these words, mommy still hears:



"Mommy don't cry, I love you anyway

I see you think about me everyday.

You love me, still the same.

You are still my mother in every way!

Don't be haunted by your mistake,

I love you & God forgives you,

now let go of this undying pain!!!"



Those are the words,

she feels, is what her daughter,

would like her to believe.



but what in fact, if Im wrong she thinks...

what if she's angry,

what if she hates me...



what if she's screaming out:

"I HATE YOU!!!!!!

the thought of you walking the earth.

Never gave me a chance,

took my life in your hands,

declared I should never experience

a date of birth!!!

For your selfishness I shall never be,

what God intended for me.

A mistake erased,

yet you cry!?

YOU cry!?!



Save those tears,

on for the years, when you tell my brothers, you kept.



Tell them how you robbed them

of the life they could have had,

should have had.

Took their sister from them....

so they could be laced in J's....

We werent the typical family,

not stuck making minimum wage,

you just placed more value on

the shiney things, than you did me....

your child...nothing more than a pregnancy....



Tho my heart beats just like yours

and cried out...



it was not important enough

not strong enough,

did not beat loud enough

to "count".



Explain to them how you REFUSED to look within.

A sin...

you commited and in hell I hope you pay.



All those things you wished to obtain,

all those things that convinced you to push me away,

kept me from having a first or middle,

but more importantly your last name.



All those things that will never be enough,

but will drive you insane.

You will regret the memories I shall engrave.

I shall engrave...

for the remainder of your days."





Mommy cries, because she dreams,

but will never know,

and tho she was rid of the problem

still the baby, she clings.

Clinging on to her mothers memories.



The pain, hurts more, than it seems.

Becasue she covers up,

hold those tears deep inside...

but like a ghost they rise some times

and look mommy directly in her eyes.



Mommy closes them,

it hurts to bad to see.

She falls onto her knees

and then begins to speak:



"Lord, please forgive me,

for my child should never have to sacrafice....

For if she were in Your will

then we could suffice.

Lord I have faith in You,

and for her, my undying love...

for tho I never saw her....

Momma's baby is all I can think of"

Silence

Silence pours over my entire body...
seeping into my soul...
controlling my thoughts...

Silence is Sadness...

and it knows my weakness.

It clinges to my weakest moments
and it hangs there.

hidden.

Until everyone is gone.
Until everything is still.
Until my ears bleed from

Silence.

Pulling me back to that day when...
to the time that...

holding grudges against myself.

Knowing its NOTHING I can do....
but silence holds me there...

silence....
handcuffed to regrets.
silence....
watching a montage of mistakes
silence....
chained to my past.

Silence...
reopening unhealed wounds...

That is why I sing.
I yell.
I scream...
I write..
to generate words, intell, anything
keeping sound in my head,
so even when I am alone
there is no room left for
that lonley,
prying,
conniving,
unforgiving...

Silence.

“He’s JUST a FRIEND”

He's just a friend….

That I used to be into.

Used to love,

Used to want,

Used to give into.

 

One that exudes from me

Spiritually, emotionally….

Slowly evaporating from my pours

And into the heavens….

I know no more like this friend.

 

He has become the reason I smile now.

I have become his morning alarm,

And his voice, his words my bedtime story.
I love this man and….

He's just a friend

 

He is a comfort, a joy

a distant get-a-way vacation,
when I need him to be

He is all of this to me.

The best friend a girl could have.

 

He is just a friend,

Turned into my husband.

<3 J

 

 

When It Hurts So Bad

Standing in the window pane,

Fighting back the tears.

Thinking of all of our memories

Counting back all of the years.

 

Partially I am to blame,

But so is he.

Still when there is so much left,

How could he walk out on me?

 

Leaving me in the door,

Mouth wide, tears pouring to the floor.

I screamed out "Don't you love me!!"

He simply said "No more"

 

All the fight that I have.

All that I want to do,

But how can you make it work,

With someone who doesn't love you.

 

You easily walk away

When things go unplanned

You don't listen to our Lord,

To quick to take matters into your own hands.

 

I don't know what to say to you,

I'll let my tears do the talking.

Guess I was speechless,

Because you never turned back……

 

Just kept on walking.