Her Beautiful Poem.

Dear Paula Jean.....
I wish you were here.
This may not be poetically beautiful
laced with metaphors and similes...
my not rhyme,
probably wont even have a rhythm.

But it has You,
your name alone, sets the tone...
making this one of the most beautiful poems I've ever written-

scratch that, one of the most beautiful poems ever written PERIOD.

The simple fact that it is your yellow skin, your perfect smile..your little gangsta gold tooth shining thru...

your curly black hair, your little brown moles, your breast, your thighs, the little twinkle in your eyes.....

running through my mind at the time that I type, that is what makes this poem so beautiful.

I can not hug you when I want, so I stare at your picture and let my soul melt into that far away place feeling just a tad bit connected to you.

Since the moment you left I us I began talking to God becuase I know you are right by His side, watching me, weighing in on how he answers my prayers, guiding me, I hear your whispers, I see your light, you are not here in flesh, but 5 years later I still feel every bit of you, as if you've never left...

I think about you, I wonder what color your wings are...
are they made of silk, pure white, to compliment your pure soul..or are they laced with love and embedded in gold?

Your halo...with the thought of it, I can see your big smile....never ending, and so I can not cry, well I do, because I miss you and my wishes are still to hug you to kiss you to just feel you...physically take a hold of me and just one more time let me look you in the eye...let me cry while you comfort me...let me say a proper goodbye....

Let me confess how deep my love lies...let me apologies, for the sneaky things and the lies, for the silent thoughts, when you didn't give me my way...let me love you perfectly...because that is what you deserve.

Let me rub your feet,
massage your back,
don't get up, let me get that.

You say you need what?
for you, I'll do,
what you mean to me...
I FEEL that you had no clue,

but I know you do, its me who didnt
You never know what you have until its gone, and i hate that it took you leaving me alone for me to understand what love is....

Love is not what you think...but what you know,
and thanks to you Paula Jean, I know a lot.
and I want to know, forever.

I want to write forever, because I feel like stopping would be saying goodbye all over again, because I feel you here, I feel you NOW...and Im holding on as long as I possibly can.

This poem may not rhyme
or have a steady rhythm,
some may read become bored and put it down before the ending
but for that I dont care.
This is my time with you,
a grand daughter with her grandmother
and that is the beauty of this poem.
THAT IS THE BEAUTY OF THIS POEM....
it's beauty lies in the life and death of you, Paula Jean,
and our love for you.

R.I.L. Paula Jean and Freddie Lee Williams