"Momma's Baby"

She has spoke to her,

every since the plus sign was shown.

A joy she could have been,

had she ever been known.



"Mommy you can do this,

just don't send me away"

but mommy couldn't see beyond the storm,

so mommy refused to let her stay.



At 10 weeks, baby cried

"Mommy run out of this place!!!

Death cannot be reversed,

do you really not ever want to see my face???"



Mommy tuned out her pleas,

mommy refused to pray,

mommy knew what she doing was wrong,

still mommy chose to stay.



Dr. calls her back.

Baby screamed "MOMMY NOOOO!"

Mommy touched her stomach,

yet mommy continued to go.



In the seat, mommy sat.

All the while baby pleaded.

Mommy's mind consumed, but

to run, mommy knows, she needed.



Anesthesia injected.

Still baby's cries were neglected.



Mommy's body drugged,

but mommy's mind still aware

Mommy's brain said "RUN"

but mommy's body just laid there.



Finally mommy cries,

not from the pain,

but from the lies.

From the thought of those eyes,

that mommy would never see.



That hand,

that mommy would never hold,

Mommy's heart so warm,

but the world is so cold.



so mommy did

what mommy said that she would never do.



Mommy screams, mommy shouts....

the nurse says "You'll scare the others."

Mommy's guilty screams to them...

"DON'T DO THIS, PLEASE RUN OUT!"



The noise stops, but begins again.

Doc says there is a bit that still in....

a little of that joy still left within.....



Mommy prays that it will stay,

but quickly, the Dr sucks it away....



and mommy is left with nothing,

but regrets and pain.



Her womb, now a tomb.



She touches her belly, &

though there is nothing different....

The touch just doesnt feel the same.



The deed is done...

and on goes the years,

every once and a while

these words, mommy still hears:



"Mommy don't cry, I love you anyway

I see you think about me everyday.

You love me, still the same.

You are still my mother in every way!

Don't be haunted by your mistake,

I love you & God forgives you,

now let go of this undying pain!!!"



Those are the words,

she feels, is what her daughter,

would like her to believe.



but what in fact, if Im wrong she thinks...

what if she's angry,

what if she hates me...



what if she's screaming out:

"I HATE YOU!!!!!!

the thought of you walking the earth.

Never gave me a chance,

took my life in your hands,

declared I should never experience

a date of birth!!!

For your selfishness I shall never be,

what God intended for me.

A mistake erased,

yet you cry!?

YOU cry!?!



Save those tears,

on for the years, when you tell my brothers, you kept.



Tell them how you robbed them

of the life they could have had,

should have had.

Took their sister from them....

so they could be laced in J's....

We werent the typical family,

not stuck making minimum wage,

you just placed more value on

the shiney things, than you did me....

your child...nothing more than a pregnancy....



Tho my heart beats just like yours

and cried out...



it was not important enough

not strong enough,

did not beat loud enough

to "count".



Explain to them how you REFUSED to look within.

A sin...

you commited and in hell I hope you pay.



All those things you wished to obtain,

all those things that convinced you to push me away,

kept me from having a first or middle,

but more importantly your last name.



All those things that will never be enough,

but will drive you insane.

You will regret the memories I shall engrave.

I shall engrave...

for the remainder of your days."





Mommy cries, because she dreams,

but will never know,

and tho she was rid of the problem

still the baby, she clings.

Clinging on to her mothers memories.



The pain, hurts more, than it seems.

Becasue she covers up,

hold those tears deep inside...

but like a ghost they rise some times

and look mommy directly in her eyes.



Mommy closes them,

it hurts to bad to see.

She falls onto her knees

and then begins to speak:



"Lord, please forgive me,

for my child should never have to sacrafice....

For if she were in Your will

then we could suffice.

Lord I have faith in You,

and for her, my undying love...

for tho I never saw her....

Momma's baby is all I can think of"